Chapter 9: Cold Coffee

"Tell me something," Cole said, still reading.

"Okay," Isla said.

"Why did you really marry me?" he asked.

"Because my company was running out of money and you were the only option available," Isla said.

"That's the transactional answer," Cole said. He turned a page. "I want the real answer."

"The real answer is the same as the transactional answer," Isla said. "I married you because I needed to and you were there."

"Did you marry me, though?" Cole asked. "Or did you marry the concept of marrying me? Because those are different things."

Isla thought about this. She thought about sitting in the conference room with lawyers. She thought about the signed contract. She thought about his note about the hot water tap. She thought about a stranger who had read all her interviews and got her coffee exactly right.

"I married the person who had read my interviews," she said finally. "I married someone who understood what I was trying to do before I explained it. I married someone who was going to make this easier by being precise about it."

"Good," Cole said. He closed his book and turned to face her. "Because I married you for exactly one reason, and that reason is that you were the only person in that room who was willing to be honest about wanting something and go after it anyway. Everyone else was pretending ambition was destiny or luck or timing. You were just doing the work and admitting you needed help to do it. That's rare."

"That's an interesting reason to marry someone," Isla said.

"Is it better or worse than marrying them because you need a board seat?" Cole asked.

"It's different," Isla said. "It's also possibly more dangerous."

"Why?" Cole asked.

"Because wanting someone because they're competent and honest is eventually going to feel like something else," Isla said. "Wanting is going to become something bigger."

Cole was quiet. He picked his book back up. He held it like he was going to read but didn't actually open it. "I know," he said. "That's why I haven't tried to touch you again. I held your hand in the cab because I thought I could do it and nothing would change. I was wrong about that. The moment I held your hand, everything changed."

Isla felt the moment solidify. The moment where they went from performing a marriage to acknowledging that something real was happening underneath the performance. It was terrifying. It was also why she had married him — not because of the contract or the clause or the venture round, but because she had recognized that he was the only person who could hold her hand in a cab and acknowledge that it had changed things and make it mean something.

"We have until September," she said.

"I know," Cole said.

"After that, the contract is dissolved," Isla said.

"I know," Cole said. He still wasn't opening the book. He was just holding it like it was armor or insurance.

"So we have four months," Isla said.

"Five," Cole corrected. "The clause was satisfied at the marriage ceremony. The clock is running on the actual contract, which is eighteen months from our wedding date. We won't need to divorce until February."

"So we have eight months," Isla said.

"Yes," Cole said. He did open the book now, but he was looking at her over the top of the pages. "What do you want to do with them?"

"I don't know," Isla said. "What do you want to do with them?"

"I want to take you seriously," Cole said. "I want to stop pretending that this is a transaction and start treating it like it might be something else. The conversation about what happens when the contract ends — we should have that too. But I need to do it very carefully because I'm already angry at my younger self for holding your hand in the cab without being clear about what that meant."

"What did that mean?" Isla asked.

"It meant that I was hoping you would hold back," Cole said. "It meant that I was beginning to understand that you being a competent person I needed to marry for business reasons was actually less interesting than you being a person I wanted to be married to."

The sun was higher now. They had been on the porch for almost two hours. The coffee was definitely cold. And Isla realized that she was at a point in her life where she could either acknowledge what was happening or keep pretending the contract was a contract and nothing more.

"I think," she said slowly, "that I want to talk about what happens when the contract ends. I think I want to do it carefully. I think I want to be absolutely sure we're being honest with each other because I've spent a lot of time in the last month learning that the difference between a real marriage and a fake marriage is just a matter of what you're willing to admit."

"Okay," Cole said. He set the book down completely. "Then we'll talk about it. But not today. Today we sit on this porch and drink cold coffee and not speak about it, and we let the idea of the conversation sit between us for a while. Does that work?"

"Yes," Isla said.

So they sat. The morning moved toward noon. Someone came by on a bicycle. The neighbor's dog barked at nothing. The world continued its regular maintenance of itself while two people who had married for convenience sat on a porch and accidentally fell in love.

It didn't happen dramatically. It happened in the space between not speaking and acknowledging that they could sit in silence and feel less lonely than they ever had alone. It happened in the way Cole looked at her over his book and the way Isla realized that what she wanted was not a return to her old life but a continuing of this life, with this person, in this proximity.

By the time they left the Hudson Valley on Sunday evening, they had not touched. They had barely spoken. But something had moved — out of the category of contract and into the category of choice.

Cole drove back to Manhattan. Isla sat in the passenger seat and thought about the fact that she had married a stranger and that stranger had become someone she recognized. And the recognition, she was beginning to understand, was the thing that would eventually make this impossible to undo.